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The Actual Day! Advice on what roles everyone should play on the wedding day
Planning the ceremony
Whether you are having a civil service or a religious ceremony or both, do you really know who says what and when? This month we look at unravelling the words and what they mean and offer you some guidance on planning your ceremony.
Consider your key players and their roles
Bride
Groom
Bride’s father
Best man
Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid
Bridesmaids
Pages
Ushers
Choose your team carefully, consider who will be happy to stand and give a reading at the ceremony or a speech afterwards, who will be good at it, who just can’t do it remember speaking to an audience is one of the hardest tasks, one that many people quietly dread.
Whilst socialising listen to hints from potential supporters, even before you ask them formally, there are those that ought to asked, and may dread it and those that you would like to ask but daren’t for risk of offending those that ought. Who would really like to be given the honour and enjoy it. Ask (be subtle!) potential candidates how they feel about speaking in public, do they want to be given the opportunity to say a few words. Weddings can be daunting don‘t inflict your day on those that would rather to just join in and have a few drinks! (Not you ,Groom!)
So what does everyone actually have to do?
The Bride
Apart from organising the whole thing beforehand, generally, this is your day to look lovely make a few promises, and chill out! After the honeymoon is over thankyou’s need to be written and posted.
The Groom
Turn up! Stay sober and keep away from the football results. Thank the bride’s parents especially her dad for letting you have your evil way with his daughter! Remember to book the honeymoon!
The Brides Father
Whether a Dad or a Surrogate Dad, your job is to get the Bride to the church on time, walk her up the Aisle and formally give her hand to the Groom at the ceremony.
Say nice things to the guests at the reception, and generally sigh with relief as that is another one off your hands as you Toast the Bride and Groom.
The Best Man
Your role is essentially to support the groom, make sure he turns up on time, keep the ring(s) safe until placed on fingers, and make a pass at the Chief Bridesmaid. It is upt to you to pay the vicar and all church fees before the ceremony on behalf of the groom. Also it is an opportunity to embarrass the Groom with tales of yore, outline any nasty habits he may have that will need to be stopped as the pair set off on honeymoon. Make all announcements, read out any cards sent to the reception, toast the Bridesmaids and tell the brides Mum that she still looks lovely. Thank the Grooms parents after all they are paying for half! Hand out flower bouquets to both Mums.
Ensure all male attendant outfits are returned to the Hirers in good time.
The Chief Bridesmaid
You are the bearer of flowers, checking that button holes arrive and are given out correctly, that that bride’s bouquet is alive and kicking, that the parental thankyou bouquets are delivered to the reception venue, that all other bridesmaids are suitably turned out. Dress the bride, checking that she has everything she needs to prepare herself and keeping all irritation well away, for instance ensuring that guests have not taken all the hot water!!
Ensure that afterwards the bride’s gown is sent for dry cleaning ready to send to Ribbons and Pearls for some cash back!
Bridesmaids
Dress in whatever the bride wants you in, without sarcasm or tantrums. Follow the bride and do everything that the chief bridesmaid asks you to do.
Pageboys
Try not to step on the brides dress and stay clean until after the photographs.
Ushers
Make sure that everyone knows where to park their cars at the ceremony and at the reception. Hand out orders of service and buttonholes. Make sure that no-one crams into the 2 front rows that are reserved for the wedding party to sit down in during the ceremony. Make sure that everyone knows where the loos are. Give a reading at the ceremony; escort any howling children out of the ceremony and into a straight jacket. Show guests to their seats at the reception
Of course one can have as many or as few attendants on the day as long as there are a couple of people to witness the deed all will be legal.
Order of Speeches
At the ceremony readings can be given by family or friends, as well as the formal ceremony given by the Registrar or Religious Leader.
Brides father -Look after her or I will kill you
Groom - Thanks for having her for me
Best Man - There is a little something I think you should know….
Grooms Father - he is a nice boy really and thanks for taking him off our hands!
Best man then reads all cards and messages and outlines the reception structure if any entertainment is booked or if an evening “do” is planned.
Wherever you decide to hold the ceremony there are certain legal formalities that have to take place before the wedding can take place. Once you have set a date and booked the venue, be it a church, a hotel, or other licensed venue, a visit to the Register Office in the district in which you live to inform them of your intention to marry. If both parties live in the same district then notice has to be given by both the bride and the groom in person to the same office, if two separate districts are involved then notice has to be given by both people in person at each District Office. The one who gives the notice has to take proof of identity and has to attend in person.
If you are planning a civil service the venue has to have a valid license. A venue that is unlicensed can to apply for one and this can take many months to obtain, the application must be applied for to the Local Authority by the owner of the property or the trustee, not by the couple The property must be regularly open to the public, so stately homes, hotels and civic buildings are thought to be suitable, but private homes are unlikely to be approved. Approval will not be given for open air venues, so a moonlit beach or a golf course will not become licensed. The premises have to be permanently built, so a permanently moored boat may be possible but a moving one not. Hot Air balloons or aeroplanes will not be approved. Lists of approved places can be found at the town hall.
Legalities of the wedding Ceremony
The service of marriage must be conducted by a person or in the presence of a person authorised to register marriages in the district. The marriage has to be entered in the marriage register and signed by both parties, and two witnesses, the person who conducted the ceremony and if that person is not authorised to register marriages, the person that is registering the marriage.
In England and Wales, both partners must be resident in England or Wales for seven days before notice is given (on the eighth day). A notice must state where the marriage is to take place. The marriage can then take place after 15 days have elapsed from the date on which notice of the marriage is entered in the marriage notice book. The fee for giving notice of the marriage is £30 per person (2005 prices).
In Northern Ireland, you will need either a registrar’s licence or a registrar’s certificate.
To obtain a certificate, at least one of you must have lived in the district for seven days or more, immediately before giving notice of intention to marry to the registrar. If you and your partner live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrars of both districts. The notice must state where the marriage will take place. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. After twenty-one days have elapsed from the date on which the notice is entered in the marriage notice book, the marriage can take place.
To obtain a licence in Northern Ireland, one of you must have lived in the district in which you are to be married for at least fifteen days before the licence is issued. The other partner must have lived for seven days in the same district, or for 15 days in another district in Northern Ireland. If you live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrar in both districts before the licence can be issued. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. Seven clear days from the giving of the notice, the registrar may administer an Oath to one of you (stating that they both satisfy the conditions for issue of the licence), and issue the licence.
The marriage must take place within 12 months from the date of entry of the notice (three months if one of you is housebound, detained or resident in Scotland or Northern Ireland). If the marriage does not take place within that time, the process must be repeated.
Procedure for marrying
You and your partner will be asked for the following information when giving notice of your intention to marry. Giving false information is a criminal offence. The information required is:-
you and your partners name and address; and
you and your partners date of birth. If you are under 23 you will be asked to show your birth certificate. If you do not have one, and were born in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the Registrar will be able to trace the information and a copy does not need to be obtained; and
your father’s name and occupation and your partner’s father’s name and occupation. If there is no known father, this section can be left blank; and
if one partner has been married before, documentary evidence that the marriage has ended, for example, a death certificate or decree absolute. Uncertificated photocopies are not accepted. A certified copy of a decree absolute may be obtained from the court which decided the divorce. This can take about a week.
People from overseas may be asked to show their passports. There is no legal requirement to show a passport before getting married and instead, they can produce a birth certificate (accompanied by a certified translation if necessary), an affidavit or other personal identity document.
If the registrar believes that a person is entering or has entered into a marriage for immigration purposes, the registrar has a duty to report this to the Home Office Immigration and Nationality Directorate (IND). The registrar must provide the IND with certain information, including the marital status and nationality of the person.
The marriage ceremony in the local Register Office or local authority approved premises will take approximately 10-15 minutes. The Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland will make a short statement about marriage; you can ask the registrar beforehand to indicate what form of words will be used. It is not possible to use religious words in the civil ceremony, although non-religious words, for example, poetry, as well as music and other performances may be added. Each partner is required to repeat a standard set of promises. These may not be changed, but may be added to, as long as the additions are not religious. Rings are not required but can be exchanged if the couple wishes to.
After the ceremony, the marriage register is signed by both partners. Two witnesses, who must be over 16, must also sign at the time of the marriage. Witnesses must understand the language of the ceremony and have the mental capacity to understand the nature of the ceremony. Register Office staff are not allowed to act as witnesses.
Before signing the register, you should check the information in the entry is correct. It is possible to get incorrect information in the register on marriage certificates changed if there is proof that the errors were notified at the time of the marriage. When trying to correct information at a later stage, you will have to explain in writing how the incorrect information came to be recorded at the time of the marriage and may need to provide documentary evidence to prove any statements. The process may take a long time.
A fee must be paid for the ceremony. A certified copy of the entry in the register may be obtained at the time of the marriage for a fee. Additional copies may be obtained for a further fee.
For details of the fees, contact your local Register Office or Citizens Advice Bureau.
Religious marriage ceremonies (England and Wales only)
The Church of England and the Church in Wales are allowed to register a marriage at the same time as performing the religious ceremony.
Ministers and priests of all other religions can be authorised to register marriages and must have a certificate or licence to do so from the local Superintendent Registrar. For Jewish and Quaker marriages, the authorisation is automatic. For all other religions, if the official performing the ceremony is not authorised, either a Registrar must attend the religious ceremony or the partners will need to have seperate religious and civic ceremonies.
Marriages in the Church of England and Church in Wales
Instead of going to the Superintendent Registrar before the ceremony, banns (a notice of the proposed marriage) can be read in the parish church of both of the partners on three Sundays before the ceremony.
Religious marriage ceremonies in Northern Ireland
Church of Ireland
You can be married in the Church of Ireland by one of three methods. These are:-
Licence - If you or your partner is a member of the Church of Ireland (or any other Protestant Episcopal Church i.e. Anglican), you may give notice to a Church of Ireland licensing minister that you wish to be married in a Church of Ireland church within your own district. Either you or your partner must have been living in the district for seven days before notice is given. The licenser will notify the clergy of the churches that you and your partner attend. Seven days after the licenser is notified, an oath will be administered to either you or your partner to the effect that one of you has lived for the past fourteen days within the district attached to the Church in which you intend to marry, and grant the licence. Any Church of Ireland clergyman will be able to provide you with the address of a licensing minister.
Special licence - If you or your partner is a member of the Church of Ireland (or any other Protestant Episcopal Church), a Bishop of the Church of Ireland may grant a special licence. This will allow the marriage to take place at any time and any place within his diocese. A special licence is useful where you and your partner have forgotten to give the required notice to a licenser, or wish to marry somewhere other than a church
Banns - If both you and your partner are members of the Church of Ireland, banns may be read out for three consecutive Sundays in the churches of which they are members, instead of applying for a licence. Seven days notice to the minister(s) may be required. The marriage ceremony must take place in the church (or one of the churches) in which the banns have been published.
Presbyterian
You may be married by the same three methods in the various Presbyterian churches (excluding Free Presbyterians):-
Licence - If both you or your partner is Presbyterian, a licence may be granted by a licensing minister. You or your partner must give the licencing minister a certificate from the minister of your congregation, stating you have been a member of that congregation for at least one month. Immediately before the licence is granted, you must make an Oath that you have lived within the Presbytery for the preceding 15 days. A congregational minister will able to put clients in touch with a licensing minister.
Special licence - A special licence authorising marriage at any time and any place within Ireland may be granted by the Moderator of the Church, as long as you or your partner is a Presbyterian. This method is useful if you have forgotten to give the necessary notice or have your normal residence outside Northern Ireland.
Banns - If both you and your partner are Presbyterians, banns may be published in each of your congregations on the three Sundays preceding the marriage, instead of obtaining a licence. Six days notice is required by the minister before the banns are due to be read out for the first time. The marriage must take place in a church (or one of the churches) in which the banns have been published.
Roman Catholic Church
Arrangements for a wedding in a Catholic Church are always made through the priest in the parish in which you are living. Three months notice must be given to the priest.
Pre-marriage preparation courses, which you and your partner must attend, are held by Accord, formerly the Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (CMAC). There are centres in Belfast, Ballymena and Downpatrick. Details of the courses will be available to the priest.
If you are both Catholics you should approach the priest of the bride’s parish to arrange a date. If you are both from the same parish, the priest in that parish does the preparations for you both, including the pre-nuptial enquiries, which are compulsory.
You must each have certain documents:-
Baptism certificate of recent date, that is, within the last six months before the wedding
confirmation certificate
letter of freedom, that is, a certificate that you have not married before and are free to marry
If you are Catholic and marrying someone who is not a Catholic, arrangements are made by the priest in your parish. He will apply to the bishop for permission (if your partner is baptised), or for a dispensation (if your partner is not baptised).
If your partner is not a Catholic they should present a baptism certificate (if baptised), and proof of freedom to marry should be presented. This can be in the form of a letter from, for example, parents or a minister, or an affidavit from a solicitor.
In all cases, the priest acts as a civil registrar and he registers the marriage with the registrar of marriages.
Other denominations
Members of other denominations, including Baptists, Brethren, Congregationalists, Free Presbyterians, Methodists, Salvation Army, must obtain a registrar’s certificate or licence as for a civil wedding, as the church official are not authorised by the state to issue certificates or licences.
Where you or your partner is Baptist, Congregationalist, or Methodist, you may also proceed by obtaining a special licence from the governing body of your church. Couples should ask a minister of the relevant denomination for details. A fee is usually payable to the governing body, the amount being decided by that body. Marriages by special licence may be celebrated at any time and at any place in Ireland.
Jewish marriages
After giving notice to the Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland, a marriage can take place in any synagogue, private house or other place as long as you and your partner are Jewish and the ceremony is held under the auspices of a synagogue which has a Secretary for Marriages appointed by the Registrar General. The marriage must be registered by the Secretary of the husband’s synagogue. The marriage can only proceed under a registrar’s certificate in Northern Ireland.
Marriages in the Society of Friends
A marriage ceremony in the Society of Friends (Quakers) requires the approval of the Registering Officer of the Society of Friends acting for the meeting concerned. It must take place in the Meeting House or another place regularly used for worship.
Marriages in all other religions
In all other religions, religious marriage ceremonies can take place but the couple must first give notice to the Superintendent Registrar, or Registrar in Northern Ireland, at the local Register Office. The Superintendent Registrar, or Registrar in Northern Ireland, will know whether the building in which the ceremony is to take place has been registered. If the building has not been registered, the couple can still have a religious ceremony, but will also need to have a separate civil ceremony for the marriage to be valid under United Kingdom Law.
If the building is registered, an authorised person must be present at the ceremony to register the marriage. They will give the couple a marriage certificate on receipt of the fee. If there is no authorised person, the attendance of a Registrar is necessary and this should be arranged with the Superintendent or Registrar in Northern Ireland of the district.
Religious ceremonies and civil ceremonies
If a couple has been married in a Register Office in England, Wales or Northern Ireland, the partners can have a religious marriage ceremony afterwards. The partners are likely to be asked for their marriage certificate. A religious ceremony which does not comply with the conditions stated above and which takes place before a civil wedding is not a valid marriage under United Kingdom law and the couple’s status will be that of cohabiter.
Marrying outside England, Wales and Northern Ireland
If you want to get married outside England and Wales you will need to follow the procedure of the law in that country. Advice will be needed from a lawyer.
A Citizens Advice Bureau, can give brief information about marrying in other parts of the United Kingdom.
Marrying in England or Wales if one partner lives elsewhere
If one partner lives in Scotland or in Northern Ireland, the marriage can take place in England or Wales but certain procedures must be followed. If one partner lives outside the United Kingdom, the marriage cannot take place until that partner has arrived in England or Wales and fulfilled the necessary residence qualifications.
For more information about marrying in England or Wales if one partner lives elsewhere, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau.
Overseas recognition of United Kingdom marriages
A legally valid marriage performed in England, Wales or Northern Ireland is recognised in many other countries. However, confirmation should be sought from the embassy of the country concerned.
Marriages by proxy
A marriage by proxy is one where one or both partners are not physically present at the ceremony. Marriages taking place under United Kingdom law are not valid if they are by proxy. However, United Kingdom law may in some circumstances consider a proxy marriage to be valid if both of the partners are ‘domiciled’ in a country which recognises marriages by proxy. The concept of ‘domicile’ is very complicated. If you need to know about the validity of a marriage by proxy you will need to seek specialist legal advice.
Polygamous marriages
A polygamous marriage is one where a man can marry more than one wife. A polygamous marriage between partners, one or both of whom are domiciled in England, Wales or Northern Ireland is not valid. The concept of ‘domicile’ is very complex and does not necessarily mean ‘living in’ a country.
If you need to know about the validity of a polygamous marriage, you should seek specialist legal advice.
Marriages which are not valid
Certain marriages are treated as if they never took place. These are called void marriages. They are marriages which do not meet the requirements of United Kingdom law. An example of a void marriage is one where the partners may not marry because they are related.
Some marriages may have met the requirements of United Kingdom law when they took place but may then be annulled. These are called voidable marriages. There are a number of situations where marriages are considered voidable, for example if one partner has been granted a full gender recognition certificate (see under Transsexual people), or if one of the partners did not give valid consent to the marriage because the consent was given under duress. Either partner can seek to annul the marriage but if neither partner does, the marriage will be valid.
If you need to know more about voidable marriages, you will need to seek specialist advice. An experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help you find specialist legal advice.
Making a marriage legally valid
If you have been married in a way that is not recognised as valid in the United Kingdom, the marriage can take place again according to United Kingdom law provided that both you and your partner meet the requirements described earlier.
Bigamy
If you marry in the United Kingdom and are already legally married, the marriage will be bigamous and therefore is void. Although it is a criminal offence to marry someone when you are already married, prosecution is not automatic.
If you who think you may be about to enter into a bigamous marriage you should seek advice from a specialist solicitor.
Remarriage/second marriage
In the United Kingdom there are no legal restrictions to prevent a person who has been divorced or widowed from remarrying in a civil ceremony as long as the legal requirements described earlier in this information are met.
This can always be followed by a service of blessing within the church if a religious solemnisation is preferred
Religions have different rules about whether someone can remarry in a religious ceremony. If you or your partner has been married before and you want a religious ceremony, you will need to check with an official of the relevant religion.
Blessing ceremonies
Even if you are not allowed to marry in a religious ceremony, for example, because you belong to a religion that does not permit marriage of people who are divorced, or if you are lesbian or gay, it may be possible to arrange for your relationship to be blessed in a religious ceremony. This is at the discretion of the religious official concerned.
Forced marriages
It is a criminal offence to force a person to marry under duress. If you are afraid that you may be forced into a marriage in this country, the police should be contacted. This is also the case where there is concern that another person may be forced into a marriage. If you are afraid that you may be forced into marriage overseas, you should, before travelling, contact the address below for advice. If you are concerned about someone else who has travelled overseas, you should also contact this address.
Community Liaison Unit
Foreign and Commonwealth Office
Old Admiralty Building
London SW1A 2PA
Tel: 020 7008 0230
The legal words of the ceremony
Statutory Words to be said by both
In England and Wales
I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I ****, may not be joined in Matrimony to *****
I call upon theses persons here present to witness that I **** do take thee, *****, to be my lawful wedded husband/ wife
In Scotland
I solemnly declare that I know of no legal impediment why I 8888, may not be joined in matrimony to *****. I accept
In Northern Ireland
I know of no lawful impediment why I, ****, may not be joined in matrimony to *****, to be my lawful wedded husband/wife
There are also two legal alternative declarations
Declaration:
I know of no legal reason why I ****, may not be joined in marriage to *****
Or by replying “I am” to the question Are you **** free to awfully marry *****
This is followed by the contract:
I, ****, take you, *****, to be my wedded husband / wife
Or
I, **** take thee, *****, to be my wedded husband / wife.
Vows can be added if preferred to the declaration and the contract. These are personal promises to be witnessed and although can be fun as well as personal, it is wise to retain the seriousness of the contract that you are both entering into.
All religious ceremonies have the contract and declaration as well as other ceremonial statements depending on the denomination of the church.
Once that words have been said and the promises made, the register is signed and witnessed and from that day forward you will be legally and morally bound to each other until death separates you, or the marriage is legally dissolved.
Consummation of the Marriage
A marriage can still be annulled if it can be proved that no consenting sexual intercourse has taken place.
The content of the ceremony is one that you both plan and discuss at length. It reflects what is important to you personally, it is your promise to each other made in the presence of all those that you hold dear so it is important that you say it how you feel it, and understand the gravity of the promises you make. Your ceremony is the centre point to your wedding and nerve wracking though it is, emotional and at times may feel cheesy….. it is a meaningful declaration of your love and a promise to be together always.
Once proclaimed, signed and sealed let the bells ring out and the celebrations commence. This is what you have been waiting for your whole life, to be joined to your soul mate. It is a very special occasion so make sure you plan what you want to say and mean it when you say it.
The Reception
Traditionally wedding guests should arrive after the bridal party. They can be greeted individually as they walk in and then allowed to circulate before being seated for the banquet. Be sure that in poor weather conditions people are not queuing up in the rain to get in!
Once seated it is up to the best man or the toastmaster to settle everyone down and tell everyone the order of the day. It is usual to eat without further preamble so that no-one collapses from starvation remember there will be guests that have been up very early to attend.
After pudding and whilst coffees etc are being served it is usual for the best man to start the proceedings with a call to attention and an introduction to the brides father to say a few words, followed by the best man followed by the groom.
Everyone can then relax and celebrate until the bride and groom leave when they are waved off amid shouts of encouragement as they head for the marital chamber.
And that is all there is too it!
Article written and kindly donated by Viv Mitchell Ribbons and Pearls Wedding Dress Agency © 2005
Planning the ceremony
Whether you are having a civil service or a religious ceremony or both, do you really know who says what and when? This month we look at unravelling the words and what they mean and offer you some guidance on planning your ceremony.
Consider your key players and their roles
Bride
Groom
Bride’s father
Best man
Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid
Bridesmaids
Pages
Ushers
Choose your team carefully, consider who will be happy to stand and give a reading at the ceremony or a speech afterwards, who will be good at it, who just can’t do it remember speaking to an audience is one of the hardest tasks, one that many people quietly dread.
Whilst socialising listen to hints from potential supporters, even before you ask them formally, there are those that ought to asked, and may dread it and those that you would like to ask but daren’t for risk of offending those that ought. Who would really like to be given the honour and enjoy it. Ask (be subtle!) potential candidates how they feel about speaking in public, do they want to be given the opportunity to say a few words. Weddings can be daunting don‘t inflict your day on those that would rather to just join in and have a few drinks! (Not you ,Groom!)
So what does everyone actually have to do?
The Bride
Apart from organising the whole thing beforehand, generally, this is your day to look lovely make a few promises, and chill out! After the honeymoon is over thankyou’s need to be written and posted.
The Groom
Turn up! Stay sober and keep away from the football results. Thank the bride’s parents especially her dad for letting you have your evil way with his daughter! Remember to book the honeymoon!
The Brides Father
Whether a Dad or a Surrogate Dad, your job is to get the Bride to the church on time, walk her up the Aisle and formally give her hand to the Groom at the ceremony.
Say nice things to the guests at the reception, and generally sigh with relief as that is another one off your hands as you Toast the Bride and Groom.
The Best Man
Your role is essentially to support the groom, make sure he turns up on time, keep the ring(s) safe until placed on fingers, and make a pass at the Chief Bridesmaid. It is upt to you to pay the vicar and all church fees before the ceremony on behalf of the groom. Also it is an opportunity to embarrass the Groom with tales of yore, outline any nasty habits he may have that will need to be stopped as the pair set off on honeymoon. Make all announcements, read out any cards sent to the reception, toast the Bridesmaids and tell the brides Mum that she still looks lovely. Thank the Grooms parents after all they are paying for half! Hand out flower bouquets to both Mums.
Ensure all male attendant outfits are returned to the Hirers in good time.
The Chief Bridesmaid
You are the bearer of flowers, checking that button holes arrive and are given out correctly, that that bride’s bouquet is alive and kicking, that the parental thankyou bouquets are delivered to the reception venue, that all other bridesmaids are suitably turned out. Dress the bride, checking that she has everything she needs to prepare herself and keeping all irritation well away, for instance ensuring that guests have not taken all the hot water!!
Ensure that afterwards the bride’s gown is sent for dry cleaning ready to send to Ribbons and Pearls for some cash back!
Bridesmaids
Dress in whatever the bride wants you in, without sarcasm or tantrums. Follow the bride and do everything that the chief bridesmaid asks you to do.
Pageboys
Try not to step on the brides dress and stay clean until after the photographs.
Ushers
Make sure that everyone knows where to park their cars at the ceremony and at the reception. Hand out orders of service and buttonholes. Make sure that no-one crams into the 2 front rows that are reserved for the wedding party to sit down in during the ceremony. Make sure that everyone knows where the loos are. Give a reading at the ceremony; escort any howling children out of the ceremony and into a straight jacket. Show guests to their seats at the reception
Of course one can have as many or as few attendants on the day as long as there are a couple of people to witness the deed all will be legal.
Order of Speeches
At the ceremony readings can be given by family or friends, as well as the formal ceremony given by the Registrar or Religious Leader.
Brides father -Look after her or I will kill you
Groom - Thanks for having her for me
Best Man - There is a little something I think you should know….
Grooms Father - he is a nice boy really and thanks for taking him off our hands!
Best man then reads all cards and messages and outlines the reception structure if any entertainment is booked or if an evening “do” is planned.
Wherever you decide to hold the ceremony there are certain legal formalities that have to take place before the wedding can take place. Once you have set a date and booked the venue, be it a church, a hotel, or other licensed venue, a visit to the Register Office in the district in which you live to inform them of your intention to marry. If both parties live in the same district then notice has to be given by both the bride and the groom in person to the same office, if two separate districts are involved then notice has to be given by both people in person at each District Office. The one who gives the notice has to take proof of identity and has to attend in person.
If you are planning a civil service the venue has to have a valid license. A venue that is unlicensed can to apply for one and this can take many months to obtain, the application must be applied for to the Local Authority by the owner of the property or the trustee, not by the couple The property must be regularly open to the public, so stately homes, hotels and civic buildings are thought to be suitable, but private homes are unlikely to be approved. Approval will not be given for open air venues, so a moonlit beach or a golf course will not become licensed. The premises have to be permanently built, so a permanently moored boat may be possible but a moving one not. Hot Air balloons or aeroplanes will not be approved. Lists of approved places can be found at the town hall.
Legalities of the wedding Ceremony
The service of marriage must be conducted by a person or in the presence of a person authorised to register marriages in the district. The marriage has to be entered in the marriage register and signed by both parties, and two witnesses, the person who conducted the ceremony and if that person is not authorised to register marriages, the person that is registering the marriage.
In England and Wales, both partners must be resident in England or Wales for seven days before notice is given (on the eighth day). A notice must state where the marriage is to take place. The marriage can then take place after 15 days have elapsed from the date on which notice of the marriage is entered in the marriage notice book. The fee for giving notice of the marriage is £30 per person (2005 prices).
In Northern Ireland, you will need either a registrar’s licence or a registrar’s certificate.
To obtain a certificate, at least one of you must have lived in the district for seven days or more, immediately before giving notice of intention to marry to the registrar. If you and your partner live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrars of both districts. The notice must state where the marriage will take place. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. After twenty-one days have elapsed from the date on which the notice is entered in the marriage notice book, the marriage can take place.
To obtain a licence in Northern Ireland, one of you must have lived in the district in which you are to be married for at least fifteen days before the licence is issued. The other partner must have lived for seven days in the same district, or for 15 days in another district in Northern Ireland. If you live in different districts, notice must be given to the registrar in both districts before the licence can be issued. The registrar must send copies of the notice to the ministers of the places of worship usually attended by you and your partner. Seven clear days from the giving of the notice, the registrar may administer an Oath to one of you (stating that they both satisfy the conditions for issue of the licence), and issue the licence.
The marriage must take place within 12 months from the date of entry of the notice (three months if one of you is housebound, detained or resident in Scotland or Northern Ireland). If the marriage does not take place within that time, the process must be repeated.
Procedure for marrying
You and your partner will be asked for the following information when giving notice of your intention to marry. Giving false information is a criminal offence. The information required is:-
you and your partners name and address; and
you and your partners date of birth. If you are under 23 you will be asked to show your birth certificate. If you do not have one, and were born in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the Registrar will be able to trace the information and a copy does not need to be obtained; and
your father’s name and occupation and your partner’s father’s name and occupation. If there is no known father, this section can be left blank; and
if one partner has been married before, documentary evidence that the marriage has ended, for example, a death certificate or decree absolute. Uncertificated photocopies are not accepted. A certified copy of a decree absolute may be obtained from the court which decided the divorce. This can take about a week.
People from overseas may be asked to show their passports. There is no legal requirement to show a passport before getting married and instead, they can produce a birth certificate (accompanied by a certified translation if necessary), an affidavit or other personal identity document.
If the registrar believes that a person is entering or has entered into a marriage for immigration purposes, the registrar has a duty to report this to the Home Office Immigration and Nationality Directorate (IND). The registrar must provide the IND with certain information, including the marital status and nationality of the person.
The marriage ceremony in the local Register Office or local authority approved premises will take approximately 10-15 minutes. The Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland will make a short statement about marriage; you can ask the registrar beforehand to indicate what form of words will be used. It is not possible to use religious words in the civil ceremony, although non-religious words, for example, poetry, as well as music and other performances may be added. Each partner is required to repeat a standard set of promises. These may not be changed, but may be added to, as long as the additions are not religious. Rings are not required but can be exchanged if the couple wishes to.
After the ceremony, the marriage register is signed by both partners. Two witnesses, who must be over 16, must also sign at the time of the marriage. Witnesses must understand the language of the ceremony and have the mental capacity to understand the nature of the ceremony. Register Office staff are not allowed to act as witnesses.
Before signing the register, you should check the information in the entry is correct. It is possible to get incorrect information in the register on marriage certificates changed if there is proof that the errors were notified at the time of the marriage. When trying to correct information at a later stage, you will have to explain in writing how the incorrect information came to be recorded at the time of the marriage and may need to provide documentary evidence to prove any statements. The process may take a long time.
A fee must be paid for the ceremony. A certified copy of the entry in the register may be obtained at the time of the marriage for a fee. Additional copies may be obtained for a further fee.
For details of the fees, contact your local Register Office or Citizens Advice Bureau.
Religious marriage ceremonies (England and Wales only)
The Church of England and the Church in Wales are allowed to register a marriage at the same time as performing the religious ceremony.
Ministers and priests of all other religions can be authorised to register marriages and must have a certificate or licence to do so from the local Superintendent Registrar. For Jewish and Quaker marriages, the authorisation is automatic. For all other religions, if the official performing the ceremony is not authorised, either a Registrar must attend the religious ceremony or the partners will need to have seperate religious and civic ceremonies.
Marriages in the Church of England and Church in Wales
Instead of going to the Superintendent Registrar before the ceremony, banns (a notice of the proposed marriage) can be read in the parish church of both of the partners on three Sundays before the ceremony.
Religious marriage ceremonies in Northern Ireland
Church of Ireland
You can be married in the Church of Ireland by one of three methods. These are:-
Licence - If you or your partner is a member of the Church of Ireland (or any other Protestant Episcopal Church i.e. Anglican), you may give notice to a Church of Ireland licensing minister that you wish to be married in a Church of Ireland church within your own district. Either you or your partner must have been living in the district for seven days before notice is given. The licenser will notify the clergy of the churches that you and your partner attend. Seven days after the licenser is notified, an oath will be administered to either you or your partner to the effect that one of you has lived for the past fourteen days within the district attached to the Church in which you intend to marry, and grant the licence. Any Church of Ireland clergyman will be able to provide you with the address of a licensing minister.
Special licence - If you or your partner is a member of the Church of Ireland (or any other Protestant Episcopal Church), a Bishop of the Church of Ireland may grant a special licence. This will allow the marriage to take place at any time and any place within his diocese. A special licence is useful where you and your partner have forgotten to give the required notice to a licenser, or wish to marry somewhere other than a church
Banns - If both you and your partner are members of the Church of Ireland, banns may be read out for three consecutive Sundays in the churches of which they are members, instead of applying for a licence. Seven days notice to the minister(s) may be required. The marriage ceremony must take place in the church (or one of the churches) in which the banns have been published.
Presbyterian
You may be married by the same three methods in the various Presbyterian churches (excluding Free Presbyterians):-
Licence - If both you or your partner is Presbyterian, a licence may be granted by a licensing minister. You or your partner must give the licencing minister a certificate from the minister of your congregation, stating you have been a member of that congregation for at least one month. Immediately before the licence is granted, you must make an Oath that you have lived within the Presbytery for the preceding 15 days. A congregational minister will able to put clients in touch with a licensing minister.
Special licence - A special licence authorising marriage at any time and any place within Ireland may be granted by the Moderator of the Church, as long as you or your partner is a Presbyterian. This method is useful if you have forgotten to give the necessary notice or have your normal residence outside Northern Ireland.
Banns - If both you and your partner are Presbyterians, banns may be published in each of your congregations on the three Sundays preceding the marriage, instead of obtaining a licence. Six days notice is required by the minister before the banns are due to be read out for the first time. The marriage must take place in a church (or one of the churches) in which the banns have been published.
Roman Catholic Church
Arrangements for a wedding in a Catholic Church are always made through the priest in the parish in which you are living. Three months notice must be given to the priest.
Pre-marriage preparation courses, which you and your partner must attend, are held by Accord, formerly the Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (CMAC). There are centres in Belfast, Ballymena and Downpatrick. Details of the courses will be available to the priest.
If you are both Catholics you should approach the priest of the bride’s parish to arrange a date. If you are both from the same parish, the priest in that parish does the preparations for you both, including the pre-nuptial enquiries, which are compulsory.
You must each have certain documents:-
Baptism certificate of recent date, that is, within the last six months before the wedding
confirmation certificate
letter of freedom, that is, a certificate that you have not married before and are free to marry
If you are Catholic and marrying someone who is not a Catholic, arrangements are made by the priest in your parish. He will apply to the bishop for permission (if your partner is baptised), or for a dispensation (if your partner is not baptised).
If your partner is not a Catholic they should present a baptism certificate (if baptised), and proof of freedom to marry should be presented. This can be in the form of a letter from, for example, parents or a minister, or an affidavit from a solicitor.
In all cases, the priest acts as a civil registrar and he registers the marriage with the registrar of marriages.
Other denominations
Members of other denominations, including Baptists, Brethren, Congregationalists, Free Presbyterians, Methodists, Salvation Army, must obtain a registrar’s certificate or licence as for a civil wedding, as the church official are not authorised by the state to issue certificates or licences.
Where you or your partner is Baptist, Congregationalist, or Methodist, you may also proceed by obtaining a special licence from the governing body of your church. Couples should ask a minister of the relevant denomination for details. A fee is usually payable to the governing body, the amount being decided by that body. Marriages by special licence may be celebrated at any time and at any place in Ireland.
Jewish marriages
After giving notice to the Superintendent Registrar or Registrar in Northern Ireland, a marriage can take place in any synagogue, private house or other place as long as you and your partner are Jewish and the ceremony is held under the auspices of a synagogue which has a Secretary for Marriages appointed by the Registrar General. The marriage must be registered by the Secretary of the husband’s synagogue. The marriage can only proceed under a registrar’s certificate in Northern Ireland.
Marriages in the Society of Friends
A marriage ceremony in the Society of Friends (Quakers) requires the approval of the Registering Officer of the Society of Friends acting for the meeting concerned. It must take place in the Meeting House or another place regularly used for worship.
Marriages in all other religions
In all other religions, religious marriage ceremonies can take place but the couple must first give notice to the Superintendent Registrar, or Registrar in Northern Ireland, at the local Register Office. The Superintendent Registrar, or Registrar in Northern Ireland, will know whether the building in which the ceremony is to take place has been registered. If the building has not been registered, the couple can still have a religious ceremony, but will also need to have a separate civil ceremony for the marriage to be valid under United Kingdom Law.
If the building is registered, an authorised person must be present at the ceremony to register the marriage. They will give the couple a marriage certificate on receipt of the fee. If there is no authorised person, the attendance of a Registrar is necessary and this should be arranged with the Superintendent or Registrar in Northern Ireland of the district.
Religious ceremonies and civil ceremonies
If a couple has been married in a Register Office in England, Wales or Northern Ireland, the partners can have a religious marriage ceremony afterwards. The partners are likely to be asked for their marriage certificate. A religious ceremony which does not comply with the conditions stated above and which takes place before a civil wedding is not a valid marriage under United Kingdom law and the couple’s status will be that of cohabiter.
Marrying outside England, Wales and Northern Ireland
If you want to get married outside England and Wales you will need to follow the procedure of the law in that country. Advice will be needed from a lawyer.
A Citizens Advice Bureau, can give brief information about marrying in other parts of the United Kingdom.
Marrying in England or Wales if one partner lives elsewhere
If one partner lives in Scotland or in Northern Ireland, the marriage can take place in England or Wales but certain procedures must be followed. If one partner lives outside the United Kingdom, the marriage cannot take place until that partner has arrived in England or Wales and fulfilled the necessary residence qualifications.
For more information about marrying in England or Wales if one partner lives elsewhere, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau.
Overseas recognition of United Kingdom marriages
A legally valid marriage performed in England, Wales or Northern Ireland is recognised in many other countries. However, confirmation should be sought from the embassy of the country concerned.
Marriages by proxy
A marriage by proxy is one where one or both partners are not physically present at the ceremony. Marriages taking place under United Kingdom law are not valid if they are by proxy. However, United Kingdom law may in some circumstances consider a proxy marriage to be valid if both of the partners are ‘domiciled’ in a country which recognises marriages by proxy. The concept of ‘domicile’ is very complicated. If you need to know about the validity of a marriage by proxy you will need to seek specialist legal advice.
Polygamous marriages
A polygamous marriage is one where a man can marry more than one wife. A polygamous marriage between partners, one or both of whom are domiciled in England, Wales or Northern Ireland is not valid. The concept of ‘domicile’ is very complex and does not necessarily mean ‘living in’ a country.
If you need to know about the validity of a polygamous marriage, you should seek specialist legal advice.
Marriages which are not valid
Certain marriages are treated as if they never took place. These are called void marriages. They are marriages which do not meet the requirements of United Kingdom law. An example of a void marriage is one where the partners may not marry because they are related.
Some marriages may have met the requirements of United Kingdom law when they took place but may then be annulled. These are called voidable marriages. There are a number of situations where marriages are considered voidable, for example if one partner has been granted a full gender recognition certificate (see under Transsexual people), or if one of the partners did not give valid consent to the marriage because the consent was given under duress. Either partner can seek to annul the marriage but if neither partner does, the marriage will be valid.
If you need to know more about voidable marriages, you will need to seek specialist advice. An experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help you find specialist legal advice.
Making a marriage legally valid
If you have been married in a way that is not recognised as valid in the United Kingdom, the marriage can take place again according to United Kingdom law provided that both you and your partner meet the requirements described earlier.
Bigamy
If you marry in the United Kingdom and are already legally married, the marriage will be bigamous and therefore is void. Although it is a criminal offence to marry someone when you are already married, prosecution is not automatic.
If you who think you may be about to enter into a bigamous marriage you should seek advice from a specialist solicitor.
Remarriage/second marriage
In the United Kingdom there are no legal restrictions to prevent a person who has been divorced or widowed from remarrying in a civil ceremony as long as the legal requirements described earlier in this information are met.
This can always be followed by a service of blessing within the church if a religious solemnisation is preferred
Religions have different rules about whether someone can remarry in a religious ceremony. If you or your partner has been married before and you want a religious ceremony, you will need to check with an official of the relevant religion.
Blessing ceremonies
Even if you are not allowed to marry in a religious ceremony, for example, because you belong to a religion that does not permit marriage of people who are divorced, or if you are lesbian or gay, it may be possible to arrange for your relationship to be blessed in a religious ceremony. This is at the discretion of the religious official concerned.
Forced marriages
It is a criminal offence to force a person to marry under duress. If you are afraid that you may be forced into a marriage in this country, the police should be contacted. This is also the case where there is concern that another person may be forced into a marriage. If you are afraid that you may be forced into marriage overseas, you should, before travelling, contact the address below for advice. If you are concerned about someone else who has travelled overseas, you should also contact this address.
Community Liaison Unit
Foreign and Commonwealth Office
Old Admiralty Building
London SW1A 2PA
Tel: 020 7008 0230
The legal words of the ceremony
Statutory Words to be said by both
In England and Wales
I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I ****, may not be joined in Matrimony to *****
I call upon theses persons here present to witness that I **** do take thee, *****, to be my lawful wedded husband/ wife
In Scotland
I solemnly declare that I know of no legal impediment why I 8888, may not be joined in matrimony to *****. I accept
In Northern Ireland
I know of no lawful impediment why I, ****, may not be joined in matrimony to *****, to be my lawful wedded husband/wife
There are also two legal alternative declarations
Declaration:
I know of no legal reason why I ****, may not be joined in marriage to *****
Or by replying “I am” to the question Are you **** free to awfully marry *****
This is followed by the contract:
I, ****, take you, *****, to be my wedded husband / wife
Or
I, **** take thee, *****, to be my wedded husband / wife.
Vows can be added if preferred to the declaration and the contract. These are personal promises to be witnessed and although can be fun as well as personal, it is wise to retain the seriousness of the contract that you are both entering into.
All religious ceremonies have the contract and declaration as well as other ceremonial statements depending on the denomination of the church.
Once that words have been said and the promises made, the register is signed and witnessed and from that day forward you will be legally and morally bound to each other until death separates you, or the marriage is legally dissolved.
Consummation of the Marriage
A marriage can still be annulled if it can be proved that no consenting sexual intercourse has taken place.
The content of the ceremony is one that you both plan and discuss at length. It reflects what is important to you personally, it is your promise to each other made in the presence of all those that you hold dear so it is important that you say it how you feel it, and understand the gravity of the promises you make. Your ceremony is the centre point to your wedding and nerve wracking though it is, emotional and at times may feel cheesy….. it is a meaningful declaration of your love and a promise to be together always.
Once proclaimed, signed and sealed let the bells ring out and the celebrations commence. This is what you have been waiting for your whole life, to be joined to your soul mate. It is a very special occasion so make sure you plan what you want to say and mean it when you say it.
The Reception
Traditionally wedding guests should arrive after the bridal party. They can be greeted individually as they walk in and then allowed to circulate before being seated for the banquet. Be sure that in poor weather conditions people are not queuing up in the rain to get in!
Once seated it is up to the best man or the toastmaster to settle everyone down and tell everyone the order of the day. It is usual to eat without further preamble so that no-one collapses from starvation remember there will be guests that have been up very early to attend.
After pudding and whilst coffees etc are being served it is usual for the best man to start the proceedings with a call to attention and an introduction to the brides father to say a few words, followed by the best man followed by the groom.
Everyone can then relax and celebrate until the bride and groom leave when they are waved off amid shouts of encouragement as they head for the marital chamber.
And that is all there is too it!
Article written and kindly donated by Viv Mitchell Ribbons and Pearls Wedding Dress Agency © 2005